Safewords ALONE do not stop injuries, accidents, and consent violations

So you said *"Safewords are stupid and I don't believe in them."*

Okay, I hear you but let's break this statement down...

**Part 1: Safewords are stupid**

What is your experience and education associated with Safewords?

Maybe you were taught "THE SAFEWORD GOLDEN RULE:"

*"When you say your Safeword your partner is supposed to stop and check on you."*

That sounds sweet and lovely, but what if you didn't vet your partner? What if your gut told you not to play with this person and you did anyway? Can you honestly say you trust the person you are playing with? How did YOU check their skills in the activities you agreed or want to agree to do together?

So, your first part of you statement was "Safewords are stupid."

Here is how that statement can be changed to be true:

"Safewords ALONE are stupid."

If you just start shouting "SPRITE CHILD" and you haven't discussed with your partner that when you say that that means "Hey, check on me! Something isn't right," then those words are just you shouting for no reason.

Safewords are a tool that works when you have trust in the person you are playing with. They work when you have thoroughly communicated with your partner what do you mean when you say or gesture your Safeword. A person can have a toy bag full of toys and a closet full of awesome clothes, but if that person cannot support you when you are having a hard time, then you are entering a very risky position.

**Part 2: I don't believe in them.**

Do you not believe in the power and sanity of Safewords because experience has taught you that when you say or gesture them your partner ignores them? Did you figure out Safewords ALONE are not what it is about, but forgot the rest of the recipe to Safewords?

Think of kink like a recipe. When we Negotiate with someone, all partners involve bring their ingredients (skills, needs, wants, limits) to the kitchen and we figure out what kind of meal (scene) we can make together with our ingredients. Sometimes you can even have all the right ingredients, but the vibe in the kitchen is just off so the meal is abandoned.

What do we mean when people say "Safewords work?" "Safewords work" is shorthand for "Safewords with honest communication, alertness, support, and consent help MINIMIZE injuries, accidents, and consent violations."

If you don't feel you can be honest and trust this person, why are you playing with them? Do your part to be safe. Every aspect of kink has risk. There is no such thing as "Riskfree Kink." There are people out there that do not have your best interest at heart. What can you do to navigate your play to be a bit more safer?

In summary, safewords a la carte do not keep you safe. Safewords with honest communication, alertness, support, and consent is the golden recipe.

AND ANOTHER THING:

Using your Safeword is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you care for yourself and you want to make this experience as lovely as you can. If you need to take a break or stop completely, use your Safeword. You can pick this play back up later.

Safewords are sexy because they encompass trust, communication, partnership, and honesty, which is what we want from all our partners.

So go out there and put the sexiness back into Safewords!