They shouted “Politics has no place in the dungeon” and I did NOT agree

A few months ago I was asked to teach some classes at an event in the Midwest. At the end of my LAST CLASS for the weekend, someone who is known in the community shouted “Politics has no place in the dungeon. We just want to beat ass and tie people up.”

cue Princess Donut clears-throat-cough-over-microphone

1)How dare you say that in the class of a Queer Black Woman?!

In my classes, I do not mind if people have questions or have stories to share.

However, if your comments or outbursts have nothing to do with the material presented, maybe save that for your own class or for a social media post. And if you have to say to that to that instructor on that day, come up to them AFTER class.

For those that do not know me, I am a Queer, Black, Thick, Cis Female, Pansexual Queen. To have someone say in my class that “Politics has no place in the dungeon”…honeychild, my very existence is political!

Everything about me is political:

Being Black

Being a Woman

Being a Sex and Kink Instructor, Counselor and Speaker

How I do my hair

How I talk

What neighborhood I live in

Where I shop

How I express my sexuality

Who I date or play with

Who I don’t date or don’t play with

I cannot escape politics if I tried.

2)How dare you say that in the state of Missouri?!

Missouri…Missouri

Bless you, Missouri…because…what the fuck!?

Every time I turn the news on, get a political flier in the mail, or get a political email or text message, it is reporting on

-banning abortion

-kids getting mutilation surgeries at school

-taking away Gay rights

-taking away Trans rights

-taking away resources from communities that need them

And usually the information is so twisted and scientifically wrong AND will be bundled with some other bill. Voters only see one part of the combined crazy amendment or bill and vote on one thing while it affects something completely different.

Just the other day I saw a commercial where a Missouri politician was saying we should vote her way so kids can stop going home another gender after having mutilation surgery in school. Shoot, I thought my school was fancy because we had home ec, auto, gardening, and driver’s ed…you are telling me schools these days have surgery during homeroom?! Damn that’s wild! AND NOT TRUE!

And yet I have an instructor attending my class saying “Politics don’t belong in our dungeons.”

It is not our choice to have our very existence politicized.

It is not our choice to have our way of expressing and receiving love politicized.

It is not our choice to have our desire to have children politicized.

It is not our choice to have our need to have insurance and medical and mental health politicized.

3)How dare you say that while you are an instructor amongst the LGBTQIA+ community?

For an instructor to say in front of the kink community “Politics has no place in our dungeons” is a privilege thing to say. It is synonymous with “I don’t see color; I am colorblind.” To deny that politics, colorism, and racism exists, is a slap to the face.

The community does not expect instructors to be perfect, but there is a level of “I thought you would understand my struggle since you teach and are present in my community” that is bestowed upon these public figures.

Saying things as the one shouted in my class gives off the energy of “I know the government is oppressing and murdering a lot of my community members and family, but I don’t want to think about it or address it.”

I am not saying every time you speak you have to speak on political matters; there is a time and place to discuss governmental issues. I am talking about being blind that the government is affecting our very existence. It is comparable to those who don’t think their vote counts. When millions think that way that is how we get the uneducated and ignorant voting which leads to some of the terrible situations we are in.

4)How dare you say that while knowing the struggle of our Trans family in Missouri?

Seeing some of my Trans family having to move out of Missouri because

-they  couldn’t get insurance,

-they couldn’t get mental health care,

-couldn’t get married,

-if they were married their marriage was on the verge of getting revoked,

-they had trouble adopting children,

-they were getting kicked out of the military early,

-and other things that affected their quality of life.

Did you think your outburst was appropriate, loving, compassionate, or necessary?

Cue David Attenborough voice: It indeed was not appropriate.

5)How dare you say that in a Queer space and on a weekend that was supposed to be safe?!

Some of our community members have a difficult time feeling safe at work, when they go see a doctor, when they apply for jobs, when they walk outside of their houses. Your outburst reminded us that even amongst our community there are people who still do not get

-that we do not feel safe in Missouri

-that it is hard to find an education and play space where we feel comfortable

-that just because you can say something that doesn’t mean this is the v place or time to do so

We have events to connect, to learn, and to be together. That outburst affected our ability to feel safe and connected when someone so known in the community says such things.

In summary, I cannot truly understand why you said what you did at the end of my class. Maybe you said it to encourage us to concentrate on the fun and sexiness of play and being in dungeon spaces. But we do not have the privilege to NOT think about how the federal, state, and local governments are putting restraints on our health, work, families, marriage, sexuality, pleasure, and other aspects of life.

The next time you attend a class, remember what Mama said:

If you can’t say something nice, say it in your own class.