I had a client a few weeks ago come in and said he "wanted to get into BDSM so I can be mean finally."
NO!!
Red!!!
You do not join the BDSM community so you can be MEAN!
When he said that, I wanted to immediately attack him, shout at him, slap him around like those memes of Batman and Robin.
But then I realized: he needed guidance about what BDSM IS and what it is NOT.
I am a sadomasochist. Looking back, I have been a sadomasochist since I was in single digits. I enjoy the relief in giving and receiving pain. When I am in the role of Top/Domme, I realize I have the power to help bring pleasure through pain, comfort through uncomfortable situations, healing from traumatic experiences, and knowledge through training.
I enjoy being a Top/Domme because I enjoy helping people learn about the BDSM community. Think about it: there are A LOT of terms to know. We use abbreviations, code names, nicknames, hand gestures, heck we even communicate with our clothing (handkerchief colors, leather glove lengths, etc.). We are in a different world that takes time to learn and one must have an open-mind to appreciate the beauty that makes up this world.
Being a Top/Domme means someone places their trust in me to not hurt them permanently when we play. Personally, I like to follow these steps before I play with someone:
*Consent to talk about **Negotiating** play
*Negotiation
*Play
*Aftercare
*Follow-up
If a person does not want to sit down and Negotiate with you, then this is just a disaster waiting to happen. Red flag! Negotiation is important to me because here we both learn what the other enjoys doing, both of our limits, what we like for aftercare, what to do if an injury occurs, etc. Do not tell someone you do not have limits. This is my response when you tell you have no limits: "so I can pierce your penis? I can shave your hair off? I can carve my name into your forehead? We can make a keychain from one of your fingers?" **EVERYONE** has limits.
When I play, not all of my scenes have to be heavy impact scenes. I do not have to always leave bruises on your body. I find it actually even more rewarding and challenging to do scenes where the person does not want bruises and they still come out having a good time. I enjoy giving people massages. One of my favorite scenes was when I massaged a person for an hour: brought out my lotions and worked on their body from head to toe. Another favorite: did another massage scene on a fellow and he was dripping pre-cum the entire time. You get wet from me touching you and I am in my happy place!
Being a Top/Domme also involves having skills. You need to know how to use the toys/instruments/implements being used in your scene. You need to know the mental, physical, and emotional side of playing. There are certain spots on the body that should not be hit. This needs to be taught to people because we are not born knowing this. Aftercare is important, whether it is heavy impact scene or an emotional mindfucking, humiliation, or degradation scene. It is important to let your bottom/submissive know that they are important and DO have value, especially after scenes.
Here is a short summary of why I like being a Top/Domme:
***Enjoys helping people learn about BDSM**
***Satisfaction from seeing people grow into skilled, happy kinksters**
***Being able to journey with a person as they push their limits**
***Love being a part of this community, this kinky family**
***Overwhelming joy of seeing all the talented and lovely people around me**
***Enjoy learning the soft and hard skills involved with being a Top/Domme**
***Happiness from the power exchange involved with playing with others**
***Enjoying the journey of learning things from mentors and bottoms/submissives**
***Joy from being able to talk to people about their bodies, sex, kinks, fetishes, and their nasty fantasies**
***Happiness from playing with so many diverse people**
***Coming up with creative scenes**
Feel free to send me a message or say hi to me if you see me in public. We are a part of this community because we love the open-mindedness, acceptance, and appreciation involved. We should always be willing to help those who need a little guidance because we all started from ground zero at one point in time.
I do not claim to have all the answers; what I do know I am glad to share.
I will update this as my journey in the Kinky Community continues.
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